hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
