I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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