You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Randomize
