MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Randomize
