i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
