i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Randomize
