Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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