Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
it was like eating out sand paper
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
