its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
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