I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
