70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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