I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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