living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
where are you?
Hypothermia
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
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