Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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