I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize