I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
