You're so nebulous sometimes
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
