Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize