So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
sex in a hospital.. check
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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