I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
