I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
