Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize