yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
pray to the hookup gods
Randomize