I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
