so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
