My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
