no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize