this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
