I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
