Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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