i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
