okay pat passed out under dana's car
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
