I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
