Screwed.edu
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
areolas are like halos for boobs.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
