I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
