I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
