you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Randomize
