peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
