respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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