my mouth tastes like poor choices
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
