she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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