i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
