I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize