i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
