Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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