Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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