we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize