her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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