the new term for farting is butt boxing.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
