she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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