forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Randomize
