Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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