are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
