Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Who died my cat blue again?
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
