Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize