Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize