So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
