My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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