This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
