I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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