Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
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