I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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