im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
