Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
