and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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